My #1 Critic

Who would have thought it! My #1 critic lives in the house with me. It’s not my husband. It’s not my children. It’s my mom.

Mom has ALWAYS been critical of me. Early childhood memories includes her trying to scrub the ugly “dirt” off my knee using soap, alcohol, and yes, a brillo pad. How did they miss the fact that the “dirt” is a birthmark?

How about the teenage years when she and dad would comb my hair over my forehead and demand that I continue this practice because my forehead was too big, I always wore bangs even in my adult years because I was believed my parents when they said my forehead had to be hid. That shame stayed with me until my thirties.

From my adolescent to teen years, mom would repeatedly tell me that my sister was her right hand. She was the one mom could depend on. Since living with me she admitted to my husband and me about making those almost daily comments.  Yep, you guessed it, I struggled with low self esteem. SHOCKING isn’t it! LOL! My parents has always been critical of me.

So mom has been with me for 7 weeks now. Mom is still the same. CRITICAL. She’s eating better than she’s eaten in the past 20 years, yet, she has something negative to say about the food I prepare. She doesn’t complain about my husband or my daughter’s cooking.

This day, she said my pasta was too hard. I asked her why does she complain about everything I make, and she responded, “I thought I should tell the truth.” I then told her it would be nice to hear “thank you.”

Here’s a sad truth. Many people in my church and other places I serve are always celebrating and encouraging me. They see my heart for service. My mom……she loves to point out what’s wrong with me. Taking the words from Will Smith, Sometimes in life parents just don’t understand.

Today Was A Good Day!

That's an old song by Ice Cube -"Today Was A Good Day" - and that's the song I'm singing. Mom slept ALL DAY! No episodes, no dead people, no DRAMA! Thank you Lord.

I'm praying this isn't the calm before the storm. Heavenly Father, please give my mom peace and a restful sleep. I pray tomorrow at this time I'll still be singing "Today Was a Good Day."

I See Dead People- That’s Mom’s Story and She’s Sticking to It!

The last 48 hours has been quite eventful. Mom has been living in her “imagination land.” Yesterday, almost immediately after talking to her sister who lives in Louisiana (we’re in Arkansas), mom nervously informed me that the same sister had died. How did she know this? Her dead sister came to my house and informed her. Mom was frantically looking for my cousin’s phone number so that she could call her with this information. Of course I didn’t allow it. It took a while for me to calm her.

About 2 am this morning, mom came to my bedroom and called for my husband, BD. She sound very upset. I stayed in the bed because I was still processing the “sister is dead” drama. Mom tells BD that our daughter, VT, blew up (literally with air), exploded and died. BD had to prove to her that this was not true by bringing her into our daughter’s bedroom. BD picked up a pillow that my mom identified as VT’s head. By this time, I went to my mom’s room.  It took 30 minutes to calm her. VT said mom repeatedly checked on her during the night.

 This morning we woke mom up for breakfast. She thought she was in Louisiana. After settling her down, it seemed like she was going to be okay. BOY, WE WERE WRONG!

Today was the worse day mom has had. She thought dead people who had been shot were on her bedroom floor. She was panicky and worried about them. She said she called an ambulance in her mind. Several times she opened the front door to let the police and ambulance crew in. She would not eat because she was worried about the imaginary dead people who were injured. Comedian Paul Moon said, “People dying who never died before.” In my house, people die who died before. LOL! We must laugh to keep our sanity!

Mom hallucinated the entire day. She saw people working on my house and climbing a ladder to the roof, all through my bathroom windows where the blinds were closed. She held many lengthy conversations with several people, most were deceased. According to her my home was full of people. People were sitting at the table, but became invisible. She asked many children if they wanted to eat. The police called her mind and told her they had been ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. Several times she demanded me and my husband to look outside at the various people who wanted to come into the house and the emergency crews waiting to get in. Did I mention mom is BLIND!

 Mom told BD, “I can’t believe you man handled your mother-in-law.” In an attempt to get my mom to cease opening the front door, and eat dinner, BD gently took her by the hand. She resisted----so I suspect this is what she means by “man handling.”

I am not completely convinced that Dad beat mom up. Mom was passionate about allowing the emergency crew into our house. She ignored our pleas for her to not open the door, and to eat dinner. Today, she stressed all of us out. And now, even with sleeping pills, she has not gone to sleep. It’s going to be an interesting night!

Extraordinary Service is Not for the Ordinary

I’m reading the book “Extraordinary” by John Bevere. In the book the author says, “Average should not be our targeted goal in bringing God delight. We should be passionate in our pursuit to be fully pleasing to Him.“ I genuinely seek God in the manner described. I am passionate about pleasing God. I am so obsessed with honoring God, that I stalk Him every day. I have a hunger and thirst for his righteousness and I desire to emulate his love through serving others. My life and service is not average or ordinary. Indeed, I am extraordinary!

Through this book, I hear God answering the question of “why must I be the one to step up and take care of mom?” I’m EXTRAORDINARY, and this is not an ordinary task to undertake. Only those who have the capacity to serve and love in an extraordinary way can handle an extraordinary assignment. I really don’t know how much longer I can handle mom, because I think she needs professional round the clock help, but today I’ve discovered that I, along with my husband and kids, am EXTRAORDINARY! God knew we would do our best, so he trusted us with the task.

WOW! I’m humbled and honored to be used by God.

Sometimes All You Can Do Is Laugh

Mom has been living with me for a month. Because of undiagnosed mental issues,

she has exhibited quite an imagination. A FEW things has shared that she has seen or has happened in the time she has been with me includes:

 

·         Horses on my neighbor’s roof

·         People dressed in horse costumes with huge sneakers

·         Dead people

·         A giant praying mantis

·         A disrespectful child, supposedly my daughter’s friend whom she has threatened

·         Dead people flying in the house

·         A group of people circling around me

·         City buses riding across my lawn

·         The mafia outside in a parked car, watching the house & waiting to kill us

·         A “mind call” that my dad was dead

·         A dead person saying my aunt was dead

·         An imaginary new husband who was to pick her up, so she got dressed and waited for her

·         People putting out a fire next door

·         The house behind me burning

·         A trip to the ER for food poisoning

·         The “husband” had an accident a block from my house and was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

 

Today, mom told me that I wasn’t black, but rather of Indian descent as her parents, my grandparents were. She admitted that she never shared this information with me before. My response---“I’m just a black girl from New Orleans.” She then said, “You talk like a fool.”

 

Sometimes all you can do is laugh!