Dementia Got MeThinking

My heart aches for the many people I've counseled who experienced horrible & abusive parenting. They're still bitter. Remember, God chose your parents. He wanted their DNA to create you. That bitterness you carry is like a cancer- it started with your parents but now it has spread to other relationships and areas of your life. One day your parents, like my mom, may have dementia or some other disease that eats away their lives.. Bitterness has no place in the life of an adult child whose parent is ill. Move on, forgive. The one who is bitter and unforgiving is the one with the problem.

The pic is an excerpt from my afternoon devotion.

OVERWHELMED!

DEMENTIA CHRONICLES: Mom has lost 5% of her body weight since last Thanksgiving.

She doesn’t eat much because sometimes she: 1) Forgets how to eat, 2) Doesn’t like the food, or 3) Thinks she is eating when she is not.

 

In the picture, mom is sipping on a cup of coffee. I observed her spooning in sugar and even stirring. She slowly lifted the cup to her mouth, took sips and then carefully returned the cup to the table. She believes the coffee is there, but, invisible to me. She sometimes believes I see her hallucinations, but I just won't admit it.

 

Dementia is a HORRIBLE disease that kills. Walking through this with mom is making me a BETTER person, but I pray it doesn’t make me BITTER – I can handle the mistreatment my mom gives…it’s expected & excused…. she has dementia. This has been an emotional rollercoaster – I’d be okay with it, if it was mom that put me on the ride.  My husband and kids has been amazing!  I don’t know what I’d do without them! I am grateful to God for ministering to me.  He keeps me going!

 

I wish my family would give me a little support. A call here and there asking how am I doing would be nice. It's hard to believe that I am doing this alone without the support of my family. To add, I have been dealing with a major health issue since last September. I am in such extreme pain that I don't sleep much. Hip and knee swelling and pain has left me unable to sit too long. The pain never stops! My progress in physical therapy has been slow. With all of this, I am tending to mom and dad ALONE!

• I tend to both of my parents finances---alone.
• I am handling my dad's illness and possibly moving him here with me---alone.
• I am paying for mom's personal needs---alone.
• I am watching my mom deteriorate---alone.
• I am handling medical decisions, which I really don't have a clue about---alone.

 

Family, if you are reading this---AM I LYING? Why don't you call and ask "How are you doing? How is mom doing?" What did I do to deserve this? I feel alone and abandoned.

52 Years of Marriage...Let's Celebrate????

I know it's been a while since I posted. I've actually been posting what
is called "Dementia Chronicles" on my Facebook page. They have been a blessing to so many there. I've decided to include those entries on this blog as well.

So much has happened since my last entry. Because of her behavior (fights), mom was evicted from one nursing home and placed in another. She has a private room and is doing much better socially.

DEMENTIA CHRONICLES: Today is my parents' 52 wedding anniversary. Mom doesn't remember. Dad is living in New Orleans while mom is in an Arkansas nursing home. MARRIAGES - make the most of your marriage each day. Stop the pettiness! Prioritize your marriage. CELEBRATE and encourage your mate each day. You don't know what tomorrow holds so love, and love some more TODAY! .....Today is the first time ever that I can't tell my mom Happy Anniversary.....she doesn't remember

I can't imagine what my dad is going through today. He can't celebrate with his wife of 52 years. WOW!

This Is Not Good - The video

This is mom today, Oct. 24, 2013. She is having one of her "in a far country" dementia episodes. She is extremely paranoid, delusional, disoriented, combative, and uncooperative. This is saddening because I have never seen mom in this way. Cuss words were used as if she was a master cussologist. She doesn't care about who she hurts or how she talks. I really hate seeing her this way.

In life, my mom was passive. Today she exhibited an unhealthy mix of verbal aggression and  a rambunctious presentation style. This was not the day to wear your feelings on your sleeves, nor to take what she said personal. Everyone in her path was a target, and she was an out of control shooter!

I love my mom and miss her dearly!

This is Not Good!

The Nursing Home called today. Mom fell out of the bed last night and is complaining about having severe back pains. The home ordered x-rays to be done to make sure she doesn’t have complicated injuries. Unfortunately, mom was being very uncooperative. She was kicking, cussing, and not wanting the x-rays. She was so combative that I was asked to come in to talk with her. Although I was in extreme pain from knee and hip problems, I agreed to help. MISTAKE! I brought more physical pain upon myself by going to the home.

Disoriented and struggling to negotiate the turns and movements in her wheelchair, mom was almost at the front entry door when I arrived. Since she couldn’t see me as I observed for a minute and then greeted her. She was very hostile and upset with me. She believes I am working in cahoots with the nursing home. She is extremely paranoid. She also said she spoke to dad who would be picking her up. Can we say HALLUCENATIONS!

I believe she has entered another realm in her illness. It broke my heart to see her this way. Her mind is rapidly deteriorating. Observations include:

• Her using the “f” word towards me and the staff.
• Her pushing a patient in a wheelchair out of her way.
• Her aggressively approaching me with the wheelchair, not caring that she was running into me.
• Her demanding that I leave because she doesn’t like me nor wants me around.
• Her demanding that I take her outside so that she could leave.
• Stains on her pants, perhaps food. This has happened before when she becomes elusive

The home was sending her to the hospital for behavior evaluation. They wanted a family member to go with her, however, I am in no condition to drive the 35 miles, sit several hours in the ER and then suffer through admission. The home then decided to try to put her into a hospital closer. The social worker will have to stay with her until she is admitted. That’s what they get paid to do. She was just trying to get me to do her job by sitting with my mom.

 

Admission Drama

The Nursing Home Business office called today. Thank God it wasn’t about mom’s conduct. I feel like the parent who gets the daily call from their behavioral challenged kid’s school principal.

Mom is still not officially admitted into the Nursing Home. Because she doesn’t have enough funds to pay for the monthly room, I applied for Medicaid to supplement her income. The Obamacare was probably easier to pass congress than mom’s application for Medicaid. They require an excessive amount of certified documentation including house deed, marriage license, insurance policies, bank statements, and so much more. I also had to turn my mom’s Life insurance into an irrevocable burial policy because she could not have assets. That means no inheritance for her family. SAD! Even after all of the forms I have turned in, Medicaid wants more. This process is overwhelming, frustrating, and draining. With all of this work she still could be denied. If that happens, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have no choice but to trust God!

Childlike Mom - The Video

This was recorded after telling mom that she has to stop hitting people. She was not receptive and resorted to this “childlike” behavior. This type of behavior is common when she does not get her way, and/or is mad with me. She becomes childish and uncooperative during these moments. For me, it’s very frustrating because sometimes it is evident that she is purposely acting out. Like a child, she uses these expressions for manipulation. I usually end the visit because I don’t want her to believe she is pulling my strings. Amazingly, when she sees I’m about to leave, she’ll agree to stop acting out. MANIPULATION!